I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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