Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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