we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
