I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
