i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
