Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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