Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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