Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Found the puke drawer
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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