the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
