Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize