It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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