The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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