Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I CAN MOONWALK!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
