Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
