dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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