some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
