my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
