Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
