i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
