If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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