ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
