Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
