would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
