I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
