so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
