she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
