My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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