how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
