but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
