I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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