You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
