operation harelip BJ is a go
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
