i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
