dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
