good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
