I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
