What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
