my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
