I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
