how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize