Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
