i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize