i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
