He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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