he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
