I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
