You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
