She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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