dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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