If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
