now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
