i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I lost the right to judge tonight
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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