So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
