Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and she was petting her beer can
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
