First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize