Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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