ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
