Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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