Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize