I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
