Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The uberlube is also flammable
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
