You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
