No, drunk sperm still make babies.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
