If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
