whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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