So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
