I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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