Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
