The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize