I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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