DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
