if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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