now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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