At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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